


Life's cheat sheet

by purpa



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpa/pseuds/purpa
Summary: Ellie and Aster find each other again after those few years apart.
Relationships: Ellie Chu/Aster Flores
Comments: 23
Kudos: 213





	Life's cheat sheet

_Isn’t it strange, how people can change. From strangers to friends, friends into lovers._

_And strangers again._

It was snowing heavily outside that day and a white blanket of snow covered every road and street in Grinnell, Iowa. The sidewalks were crowded with excited friends, coming back from parties where they had had a few too many drinks, happily cheering the Christmas break. Other people were tightly braving the cold air, arm in arm, scarves protecting their cheeks from the falling snowflakes and warm smiles on their faces. A festive music surrounded them, coloring the air with glee. Ellie curiously stared at the radio in her old car where a sad ballad had been playing for some minutes now. And although she had been staring at the outside world, she couldn’t stop herself from listening to the slow melody. _Isn’t it strange, how people can change._ Ellie stared outside her window again. Close to a candy shop, a little girl was running after her younger brother as their parents beckoned them to come back. Behind the two little children, a teenage boy and a teenage girl had stopped to look at the scene. They were both grinning as they pointed at the kids’ direction. The mother had decided to walk towards her children and when she reached them, she happily crouched to hug the two siblings. They hugged her back excitedly and followed their mother to join the rest of the family. Ellie noticed the two teenagers exchanging a smile with the family, as if they had known each other, but she could tell they hadn’t. No, they were complete strangers but they had smiled to each other to acknowledge that brief moment they had shared. And when they turned away to continue their walk, the teenagers had their fingers laced together and so did the family with their two little children. Ellie smiled faintly and stared at her radio again:

_Isn’t it strange, how people can change. From strangers to friends, friends into lovers._

_And strangers again._

Ellie’s phone vibrated, announcing that she had received a new text message. It was Paul. Without bothering answering the text, she picked up her phone and called him instead. She had texted the boy throughout the day, but it felt appropriate to talk to him now, when the outside world was so peaceful and when Ellie had never felt more alone.

‘Ellie!’ he cheered, ‘She calls me! ’

Ellie smiled again. ‘You’re the one who keeps telling me to do it more often. Should I hang up and text you instead?’

‘No…’ Paul said slowly. ‘I miss you!’

‘Of course you would. Even though we’ve been in contact everyday one way or another for the past four years.’

‘Yeah,’ he laughed cheerfully. ‘Your dad has been teaching me how to... cook rice…This—this one, Mr Chu?’

Ellie looked at the buzzing light in her car and sighed. ‘Don’t you already know how to cook rice, Paul?’

The boy seemed busy entertaining another conversation from which Ellie could decipher some snippets. She could mostly hear her father’s voice giving Paul instructions . ‘Says I’m not doing it the right way.’ Paul finally answered.

‘That’s my dad,’ Ellie grinned. ‘Don’t let him make you do all the cooking under teaching excuses.’

‘He would do that?’

‘Remember two years ago? At Anna’s birthday? He made you bake all the cakes and muffins that way.’

Paul laughed again. ‘But he did give me his carrot muffins recipe.’

‘My mom’s recipe, actually. And I'm sure she was happily laughing at your ass from _above_.’

‘It’s ok. It was fun and Anna loved it... All my family did!’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Ellie chuckled, remembering how happy it had made Paul’s mother and how all the others had devoured the muffins that day, the birthday girl included. ‘How is everything home?’

‘Home?’

‘Well Squahamish. My dad’s house. Yours...’

‘I know! It just— it surprised me, I guess.’

‘What did?’ 

‘Hearing you say ‘home’ like this.’

‘Eh,’ Ellie mused. ‘Referencing Squahamish as my ‘home’? It must be a new symptom to add to my collection. I have been feeling homesick, I think.’

Ellie could almost hear the boy smiling. 

‘Nothing to say to this?’ She asked lazily.

‘Not really. I’m glad you’re coming back though.’

‘Hmm. It’s the same thing every year, Paul. Birthdays, christmas, spring, summer...’

‘But you feel homesick, so you’re glad too. Right?’

She didn’t reply back but she smiled secretly.

‘When are you arriving?’ Paul asked.

‘Tomorrow afternoon. If I leave now.’

‘I should have come picked you up,’ Paul lamented. ‘I knew it, you must be so tired.’

‘It’s fine. And, dude, you had your culinary exam— that I’m sure you aced, by the way.’

‘It was great!’ He said excitedly. I will tell you once you’re back.’

‘Yeah, I can’t wait,’ she said honestly. ‘Good. I think we’ve about covered everything for today, then?’

‘Ellie,’ Paul laughed, ‘you’re dad is yelling at me to _stir, stir, stir_!’

She frowned as she heard some muffled noise from the other line. ‘What?’

‘...dad...spoon!’

‘My dad did what with the spoon?!’ She had to control herself to not burst out laughing.

‘...You….tomorrow!’

‘Ah, yes. See you tomorrow too, my friend.’

‘Drive safely, Ellie!’

‘I will... And Paul?

The boy was laughing with Ellie’s father on the other line.

‘’Yes! Fast!’ He was still able to yell in the apparent chaos. 

‘Alright...Don’t ruin the rice,’ she smiled. 

‘Merry Christmas to you too!’

She laughed as she reciprocated the wishes and hung up reluctantly. She had a big smile on her face when she stared at the radio again, where a different song was now playing:

_Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,_

_Won't be the same, dear, if you're not here with me._

  
  


It had been two days since she had arrived in her hometown again. Despite her desire to leave it the moment she had put a foot in it, she had to admit that the Christmas spirit was always something unique in Squahamish. Here, in the streets where she had grown up, she felt a warm feeling of security and comfort under those colorful lights. The same oppression she had been feeling all her teenage years, that feeling of conformity that had once suffocated her, gave her some stability. Now that she had to make proper decisions about her future as a writer, she often felt paralyzed by that freedom.The ability to choose for herself had been a burden on her shoulders recently and walking down these same roads felt like a welcomed caresse. Nothing changes here, as if time was frozen. _Is it really a good thing?_

She knew everything in that small little town; from her old elementary school, to the park where she had seen two students kissing that one time in second grade, to the old train station where she had spent so many nights reading...to that small white church where Aster ’s father preached every Sunday and where her fingers had created melodies after melodies on the piano. Yes, she remembered all those places as if she were still a kid. There was something deeply reassuring in realizing that it had all stayed the same, after all those years. She smiled slowly. 

It was close to 10:00 am when she decided to take a break from all her walking. Her boots were hurting her feet and the air had become cold and cutting; she could feel her cheeks warming up and her nose starting to run. She saw a bench near a bus stop, on a small street where the houses were big and all decorated with giant Santa clauses, little elves and religious figurines. She sat down on the bench, intending to wait for the next bus, and stared at a small reindeer figurine.

‘Ellie?’ 

She turned around and gasped. Aster was standing behind her, next to the bench, with one paper bag in each hand. She had a pink wool hat on her fuzzy long brown hair, which had been curling up due to the temperature. She was also wearing a white slender coat and pale jeans with brown boots. When Ellie looked up again to look at her face, she realized she was still the same, as beautiful as that last year of high school, when they were seventeen… She was also smiling at her, clearly waiting for Ellie to look at her in the eyes. 

Ellie looked away quickly. ‘Aster ! H-Hi.’

Aster laughed calmly, her voice like a song. ‘Are you waiting for the bus, too?’

Ellie nodded as she looked at the reindeer again. She hadn’t spoken to the other girl in ….ages… 

They had promised to talk again after that day when they had kissed. Well, when she had kissed Aster . But the momentum had only stayed for a while, and Ellie’s awkwardness had crept right back in as soon as she had started college. They had spoken on the phone a couple of times after that, but Ellie had always kept it short. And since she had stopped reaching out, so had Aster . After that, everytime Ellie had to come back to Squahamish, she had always found a way to avoid the other girl. Save some incidents, when she had spotted the girl from afar, Ellie had succeeded to stay far away from her and the two girls had never seen each other again before today. Now, they were like strangers all over again, and the mere presence of the other girl next to Ellie made her uneasy. It was odd thinking that there was once a time when she could talk to Aster for hours on her old phone, next to her room’s window. But they were twenty years old now, in their last year of their college undergrad . Of course it was bound to be different. Ellie was not the same teen she once had been. College had changed her. Loneliness as well...

She frowned to herself. 

‘Ellie?’ Aster said softly. Ellie looked at her reluctantly and the other girl slowly smiled again as their eyes met. ‘I thought you could help me with my bags?’

Ellie stood up quickly and awkwardly. ‘Oh my god. S-sorry!’ She took one of the bags filled with groceries that Aster was holding. She was about to take the other one but Aster stopped her.

‘It’s fine if we both have one,’ Aster said calmly, searching her face. Ellie was looking everywhere but at her. Right now, she was arranging the paper bag between her right arm and her hip.

‘You’ve changed,’ Aster said. ‘A bit taller?’

Ellie knew it wasn’t true. She had been measuring herself every year. ‘I’m not.’

‘I can tell, though. You’re a bit taller than before.’

She quickly looked at Aster who had been staring at her with a small smile on her lips.

‘I’m not,’ she argued. ‘It’s my boots... They give me 2 inches.’ They both looked at her black boots at the same time and looked back at each other. Aster grinned. 

‘Your hair then?’

‘I don’t think so...I didn’t do anything to it,’ Ellie said awkwardly. 

‘It looks a bit longer.’ 

‘Well it’s been four years—’ Ellie stopped herself and felt her cheeks warming up but Aster wrinkled her nose teasingly. 

‘Has it really been four years already?’

‘Y-yes.’ 

‘I thought I saw you last year, at the mall. But you turned away quickly?’

Ellie lowered her head. ‘I don’t think it was me…’

‘Really? Ah, well,’ Aster smiled knowingly and added after some time: ‘You’re right. You don’t seem so different to me. But who knows?’

‘Funny you would say that.’

‘Why is that?’

‘I’ve been thinking...coming back here. How different life is now for all of us, but how consitent Squahamish has stayed.’

Aster looked around her and Ellie noticed that she too had colour on her cheeks and on the tip of her nose. 

‘I don’t know. Wasn’t it Heraclitus who said that the only constant in life was change?’

Ellie smiled at the reference. ‘You find Squahamish to be different?’

‘Of course!’ Aster started walking and Ellie followed her curiously. ‘Look, here.’

Ellie followed the girl’s finger. She was pointing to the grocery shop at the end of the road.

‘Notice anything different?’

‘I…’ Ellie squinted her eyes slowly. ‘Oh, they added automatic doors. I hadn’t noticed.’

‘Right?’ Aster smiled at her from her side. ‘Easy change to miss... not if you need them, I guess. And look over there, down the street next to Saint John’s elementary school, ’ Ellie followed the streets with her eyes and stopped. 

‘A skating rink!’

From where they stood, Ellie could see six children playing hockey together. It was far away, but Ellie couldn’t believe she had missed it.

‘They added it last year. The kids seem to be having fun, right?’ Aster smiled again.

‘Yeah...Wow. I completely missed it!’

‘I know!’ She busted out laughing. ‘Though my cousins have been annoying me to teach them how to skate all year long. It might be why I know of it.’

‘No... This is big,’ Ellie said slowly. ‘I was biased.’ 

Ellie took some steps next to Aster and they both started walking together on the snowy sidewalk.

‘Biased? You want Squahamish to say the same?’

Ellie stayed quiet to ponder the question. ‘It’s stupid,’ she said finally. 

‘Tell me?’

As they walked alongside the houses, they could smell meals being cooked and pastries being baked. Ellie even heard some children giggling from an open window and a dog barking from a house down the street. It was nice.

‘It’s...uh. I guess I wanted the world to stop here.’ Ellie grimaced. ‘Life is happening so fast everywhere else.’

‘It’s not stupid at all. It’s hard to keep up with all the choices we have to make.’

Ellie snorted. ‘It’s crazy. And we thought choosing a college was a big deal.’

Aster laughed warmly. ‘I know! When I look back at that time, I realize I had it pretty easy.’

‘It’s a scary thought to have.’

‘I think it’s comforting, no? Whatever struggle we’re having right now, we will realize how small it was in retrospect.’

‘Or we will have much bigger struggles in the future,’ Ellie grinned at her.

‘Half empty, half full?’

‘Please, I would say there’s no more water in my glass.’

‘Ellie!’ Aster laughed. ‘Is life beating you down?’

She shrugged. ‘I’m just being annoying.’

‘Not at all,’ Aster nudged her. ‘I’ve missed this. Talking to you.’

‘Oh.’

‘Hm hm. It was always so easy.’

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes as they walked. Contrary to what Ellie had imagined, it was not awkward at all. It was actually quite comfortable and Ellie was reminded of that one day they had shared together almost four years ago. She sighed.

‘Aster ... I’m...I guess it’s the right time to apologize.’

Aster gave her a joyful look. Ellie had noticed even back then, how when the other girl smiled her eyes illuminated her entire face.

‘I meant that I’m sorry.’

‘About?’ she teased. 

Ellie looked away, embarrassed. ‘You know...Everything. How I handled it.’

‘Handled it? The kiss?’

‘What?’ Ellie looked at her, confused. ‘No—I don’t... Not that. I’m sorry for not reaching out to you. I stopped texting and calling.’

‘Hmmm...It’s ok,’ Aster said and then she pushed her jokingly. ‘You look like death, right now!’

‘I feel horrible.’

‘Don’t,’ and she said it so seriously that Ellie frowned at her. ‘I mean it, Ellie Chu. My mom always told me that it takes two people to keep a friendship. I did stop reaching out, too.’

‘Well, after I became distant. I was hard to talk to.’

Aster laughed. ‘I’ve known that from the start! Look, I really do mean it. I think people shouldn’t give up on each other that easily. When someone stops reaching out, it’s not the time to give them a cold shoulder. It’s the easiest thing to do, but we shouldn’t give into that. It’s the time to try and try and try. Right?’

‘You would really do all of that for one person?’ Ellie was genuinely asking. She thought people stopped talking to each other all the time, and for less than that.

‘You do that if you truly care about them. Friends always grow out of each other’s lives. I don’t think it’s a radical thing to do, and I don’t think it’s the mature thing to do either. But it’s the normal thing to do... It’s sad.’

‘I’m…yeah.’

‘That’s why it’s more virtuous to try to stay in touch,’ she smiled at Ellie teasingly. 

‘I’m sorry.’

Aster gave her a look and smiled again, but this time it was comforting. ‘This seems important to you. I accept your apology then. But I apologize too.’

Ellie looked at the other girl and laughed. ‘That’s just like you…’

‘I’m sorry I stopped texting.’

‘Me too,’ Ellie smiled.

‘By the way, when you look at Squahamish under the snow, like this... doesn’t it look like one of those Christmas snow globes? Like a safe place?’

‘Safe place, uh?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Even if it changes?’

‘Well some things will stay the same and others won’t. But it will still be Squahamish.’

‘Look, your dad’s church!’ Ellie pointed at the old church on the other side of the snowy street. 

Both of them were surprised that they had walked so far away from the bus stop. They shared a look and laughed. Then, without speaking, the two girls crossed the street together and stopped in front of the old edifice. They observed it with great attention. The white church was covered with snow and its windows were showing an empty room. Still, it looked very much alive. The Christmas lights covering the fir trees and the little decorations adorning the church made it beautiful. 

‘I haven’t been inside a church in a long time,’ Ellie said slowly.

‘You could come to one of our services, before you go back.’

‘I could... maybe.’

‘Well, only if you want to,’ Aster reassured. ‘Oh, can you help me bring those bags to my house, please? We’re really close.’

Ellie didn’t think she had much choice and honestly...she wanted to. She hadn’t seen the time pass by and walking outside with Aster was not the worst way to start the day. It was perhaps one of the best ways to do it. She nodded and they started walking again.

‘You made me think of something earlier,’ Aster looked at her calmly. ‘When you said that life only got harder as we grew older.’

Ellie frowned. ‘Forget it... I was being a downer.’

‘Not really. You’re not the only one who thinks that way.’

‘You?’

‘Nah,’ she wrinkled her nose again with a gentle smile. ‘But it’s only because I don’t really think of the future that much. I try to think of the present, only.’

‘Yeah,’ Ellie looked amused. ‘One struggle at a time.’

‘Yep, and whatever you’re struggling with will pass. That’s one of the other truths of life, right? Well at least that’s what my mom keeps saying.’

‘Your mom seems smart.’

‘She is! She's the one who taught me to read when I feel lost. She used to say that all the questions I’d come to ask myself have been asked by others, and answered a hundred— if not a thousand— times by people before me, from all around the world.’

Ellie chuckled. ‘This is comforting.’

‘It is. Isn’t it?’

‘Yeah…’ She looked at the blue sky. It had stopped snowing. ‘Shared traumas have been proved to unite societies. Even going as far as to provoke social changes.’

Aster laughed again, which surprised Ellie. She hadn’t meant it as a joke at all.

‘I was serious,’ she said.

‘I know. I hadn’t thought about it like this before, but I see what you mean. There’s comfort in suffering with others.’

‘It’s why books are so important for some people.’

‘Literature as shared trauma,’ she laughed again. ‘Is this why you study writing?’

Ellie frowned as she thought. ‘I think writing can be useful.’

Aster looked like she was trying not to smile again.

‘You disagree?’ Ellie asked curiously.

‘It’s not that... I like how you say things so seriously and directly,’ she smiled despite her best efforts. 

‘I can joke too…’ Ellie didn’t know why she thought it was something she had to defend. She was a serious person and had never been ashamed of it, but she thought Aster needed to know that she could be funny too. 

‘I know,’ Aster said sincerely.‘You're pretty funny. You were in your letters...and you are when you’re around Paul and his family. You’ve made me laugh a couple of times today, too.’

Ellie felt embarrassed. ‘Paul is waiting for me.’

‘Do you have plans with him?’

‘Tonight... We were supposed to eat with his family. He wanted me to come earlier to help with the cooking.’

Aster smiled. ‘That’s great.’

‘You could come too?’ Ellie asked. ‘Assuming you don’t have any other plans.’

‘Not for tonight, no. But it might be awkward with him.’

Ellie looked in front of her as memories of their last year of high school came to her mind. ‘Paul is really nice and he’s changed a little. He’s more comfortable with others... I think he would like you to come.’

‘I love how you talk about him, Ellie.’

‘He’s my closest friend.’

Aster nodded. ‘I can see and it’s lovely. Friendship is super important and to be honest, I did like him...those few times we went on dates. He was kind.’

‘That wasn’t Paul, really. I mean, he’s still super nice but he was trying to be someone else for you.’

‘Oh...’ 

‘He’s much more than that.’

They walked together for a minute or two in silence. Then, Aster pointed to a small brown house, covered with a lot of Christmas decorations.

‘This would be me…My parents love Christmas.’  
‘I couldn’t tell,’ Ellie snorted. ‘It’s cute though.’

‘I think so too! Well... I will let you go to Paul now.’

Ellie felt as if she had to add something. She knew that Paul deserved a new chance with Aster , not as a potential boyfriend, but as friends. She could see it, the both of them befriending each other. They were both kind and honest and they shared many other traits in common.

‘You should come tonight!’ she grimaced at her sudden enthusiasm but saw that it had made Aster smile. Relaxed again, she added: ‘I don’t mean to pressure you, but I think it would be nice.’

‘Alright,’ Aster nodded. ‘You've convinced me, Ellie Chu.’

‘Cool. Here,’ she gave her the bag that she had been carrying for her and made sure Aster was holding both of them comfortably.

‘I forgot about that...My mom cooks way too much.’

‘I thought you were an only child?’

‘I am. But we celebrate Christmas with my cousins in my house.’

Ellie nodded and looked away. She didn’t know how to say goodbye, even for now. 

‘Thank you for your help Ellie.’

‘Of course.’

‘It was nice talking to you,’ Aster added with a small smile and held her gaze.

‘You too,’ Ellie smiled as well as she contemplated how Aster ’s face was so beautiful when she smiled. It was as if all the kindness in the world was painted in her features. ‘Er… I guess I will go and text you later?’

‘And I will be waiting,’ Aster waved a clumsy hand goodbye and they went their different ways. 

Ellie turned away with a strange feeling in her chest. She felt light and calm. She couldn’t stop thinking about Aster during her entire walk towards Paul’s house. She liked the way Aster was always smiling but could also get thoughtful. She liked how kind and gentle her voice was, how sincer her eyes always seemed to be and how she made Ellie comfortable, as if Aster always knew which words to use to ease her worries a litte. She had liked that pink wool hat on her beautiful hair and how her cheeks had coloured now and then. She had also liked how she would casually throw adages or quotes to cheer her up. It had amused Ellie in a way. But mostly, she simply liked her heart. Paul and Aster had that in common; they were both pure of hearts. Ellie didn’t know what she had done to deserve them nor did she know who to thank for their presence in her life...but she felt happy as she walked down the snowy streets. 

  
  


‘Paul! Ellie!’ Catherine yelled from the entrance door. ‘Your beautiful friend is here!’ 

Catherine was dressed in one of her colorful christmas dresses and wore an apron just above it, stained with flour and butter. She welcomed Aster in her house with a warm smile. Aster stepped inside timidly and the mother closed the door. Catherine apologized as she quickly ran towards the kitchen where she went back to the oven next to what seemed to be one of her daughters. 

The inside of the Munsky’s house was modest but extremely warm. Aster could tell they were a family who loved Christmas, just like hers. Colourful lights adorned the red and brown bricks, a big Christmas' tree was positioned at the center of the living room where gifts were humbly sitting at its feet and a Christmas song was playing in the background, covered by the yelling and laughter of the Munsky children. Aster knew Paul had many siblings, but she had never actually met them. She was impressed to see how big of a family they were. Three boys were setting the long table in the eating room with their father when she entered the house. They interrupted their heated debate on how the utensils should be positioned on the table to greet Aster . Aster smiled from where she stood and looked at her left where she could hear heavy steps.

‘Aster !’ Paul clumsily jogged down the narrow stairs and took her coat with a big smile. ‘Glad you could make it!’

‘Thank you,’ Aster gave him her coat and looked for a place to put down the flowers she had brought. 

‘I’ll take that,’ Ellie came down the stairs too, with a peaceful smile on her lips. She waved a hand at Aster and Aster couldn’t help the gentle smile that began forming on her lips. Ellie seemed a lot more calmer now, compared to when they had met at the bus stop earlier in the day. Looking at her talking to Paul and one of his older brothers, Aster thought she also seemed like she belonged there. She followed Paul in the kitchen closely as Ellie went to put the flowers in a vase.

‘We...We will just... do the presentations,’ Paul smiled at her again. ‘You met mom!’

‘Hi sweetie,’ Catherine threw a warm smile from over her shoulder and quickly went back to the oven where a soup was apparently being made. Next to her, two girls and Ellie’s father were helping her out, cutting some vegetables. 

‘That’s my dad,’ Ellie said from behind Aster . She put a delicate hand on Aster ’s back in order to move past her. Again, they exchanged a look and smiled at each other. 

‘Hello,’ Ellie’s father said. ‘I’m Edwin Chu but you can call me Mr Chu.’

‘Pleasure to meet you Mr chu,’ Aster said.

The boys in the eating room exploded with laughter and Aster even heard one of them say: ‘So formal!’ while another one mimicked what she had just said. It reminded her of her cousins and it made her grin. 

‘Don’t mind their _rude_ manners,’ the mother reprimanded. ‘I can’t believe you boys came from me!’

‘It’s ok,’ Aster laughed honestly.

‘They got that from their father. This is my husband, over there, with his three boys.’

Aster smiled at the man again and he chuckled.

‘You already know Paul,’ the father said. ‘This is Markus, John and Will. And I’m Phill.’

They all said _hi_ and went back to their arguing on the position of the utensils. 

‘My two daughters,’ Catherine continued as she smiled at one little girl and an older woman.

‘I’m Anna, I just turned fourteen!’

‘Catherine. You don’t need to know my age.’

The little girl cutting the vegetables rolled her eyes and her sister smiled. Catherine decided she had contributed enough in the kitchen and approached the three friends with a bored expression.

‘Yes, she named her first daughter after herself. Narcissistic, much?’

‘I can hear you!’ The mother yelled.

Aster laughed behind her hand. 

‘Guys do it all the time,’ Ellie pointed out. 

‘Exactly! You should be thankful to have your mother’s name!’ Paul’s father yelled from the eating room.

‘I’m thankful for her cooking,’ Catherine said happily. She licked the wooden spoon she had been carrying in her hand. ‘You remind me of someone.’

‘Me? My dad does the Sunday sermons at the church down Peter’s street. You might have seen me there?’

‘That explains it. I haven’t been to Squahamish in a long time, though. Except for Christmas and some other exceptions.’

‘Some other exceptions? Are you talking about our birthdays?’ 

‘Yes, little Anna.’

Ellie turned to her father and asked him something in mandarin. 

‘You kids don’t need to help, we’re almost done,’ Catherine said as an answer and pushed them out of the kitchen where she was left with Anna and Mr Chu.

The three friends and Catherine gathered in the eating room with the others. 

‘Your mom speaks mandarin?’ Aster asked Paul, genuinely impressed.

‘She doesn’t…’ 

‘She just picked up some of it,’ Markus said. ‘We all did! Hey, hear this—’ 

‘Please don’t start again,’ Catherine said, exasperated. 

‘What? I can speak! Ellie said my mandarin was good!’

‘It’s worse than mine and I’m really bad,’ Will said.

‘All of you are equally bad,’ Catherine concluded. ‘Satisfied?’

Ellie grinned. ‘They improved...Could still be better…’ 

Aster laughed again at the interaction. ‘I think it’s cool that you guys are learning.’

‘Wouldn’t use that world,’ Ellie snorted. ‘More like I speak to my dad and they try to either understand what I said with no prior knowledge of the language or they try to repeat what I just said.’

‘I swear it’s like they’re babies,’ Catherine sighed. The three boys yelled at her and each punched her on the shoulder one at a time. ‘See, I knew you guys were going to do that but I still said it. This is called bravery.’

‘You’re so annoying.’

‘Set the table!’ She smiled.

‘You’re not even helping,’ John said.

‘I’m supervising, as the oldest.’

‘Cath, tell John that this is not the way you place utensils!’

‘This again?’ Catherine laughed warmly. ‘It’s the same thing every year!’

Paul walked to the other side of the room and made a sign to Ellie and Aster to come with him. He sighed when they were all reunited next to the stairs. 

‘So sorry for my siblings,’ he said to Aster .

Aster laughed candidly. ‘It’s fine. Honestly! I have cousins and it’s...just like that.’

‘Is it a universal thing with big families?’ Ellie pondered. 

‘Might be...’ Paul laughed.

‘At least it’s not boring, right?’ Aster looked at the three brothers now discussing with Catherine and Anna, who was bringing a salad plate on the table. 

‘You guys could help!’ Anna said to them.

‘We’re good,’ Ellie smiled.

‘Ellie!’ Aster laughed. ‘You’re not going to help them at all?’

‘We did the lasagna _and_ the cake. I’m exhausted.’

‘Oh, right. How was the cooking?’ she asked the both of them.

‘It was fun,’ Paul smiled.

‘That’s because A) you're crazy and B) you actually enjoy cooking. You mad man.’ 

‘You’re studying to become a cook, right?’ Aster asked, curiously. She had heard her mother say that once, but had never asked the other boy. ‘How is it?’

‘It’s a lot of work!’ Paul’s eyes seemed to be filled with excitement and it warmed Aster ’s heart. ‘But it’s really fun. It’s a culinary school two hours from Squahamish. Next term is my last term, actually.’

‘Ah, me too.’

‘Aren’t you going to do a master's?’ Paul asked Ellie.

‘Thinking about it,’ Ellie grimaced. Paul and Aster exchanged a look and Paul said:

‘What about you, Aster ? How have you been?’

‘Me? Hm...Good. Happy!’

The boys cheered behind her at that last comment and she laughed. 

‘They’re so stupid,’ Ellie laughed as well.

‘Are you... finishing this year?’ Paul asked Aster .

‘Yep,’ she smiled. ‘This year will be a new page for all of us, uh?’ She looked at Ellie and smiled warmly at her.

The other girl lowered her head but immediately raised it again and smiled too. 

‘Sounds fun!’ Paul beamed. 

‘Kids!’ Paul’s mother yelled from the table. ‘It’s all ready!’

‘Let's eeeeaaaat!’ The three brothers sang joyfully together to the melody of the music. 

Paul, Aster and Ellie moved from the stairs and went to join them. Everybody gathered in the eating room in cacophony and huddled around the long table, where they all had a place and a warm plate waiting for them.

  
  
  


The supper had been fun and agitated for all of them. Though Edwin, Catherine and Phill had tried to maintain some order at the table at the beginning, the three of them were amused and entertained by the chaos and so, they quickly chose to enjoy themselves instead, not neglecting to throw comments here and there when the table would become too excited. John, Will and Markus had yelled from the moment they had sat down on their respective chair but as the night grew old, and as their bodies became intoxicated with wine, they exchanged their yelling for laughter and singing. At the other end of the table, Catherine had teased her younger sister the entire time while Anna had tried to steal food from her oldest sister’s plate in retaliation. Paul, Aster and Ellie had entertained the others on one hand and, on the other hand, had stayed to themselves; talking, laughing and reminiscing.

It was close to 11 p.m and they were still enjoying the night. The dishes had been washed in a collective effort and the table had been cleared out of all its food. The music had been changed sometime in the middle of the supper from the Christmas classics to their favourite songs. Markus and John had chosen some obscure songs from their favourite old-school bands. Will had jokingly selected some pop songs that ended up being used as karaoke songs as the entire family and their guests sung along. Catherine and Anna had selected disco songs, mainly consisting of Abba’s discography, while Paul and Ellie had put some of their favourite rock ballads. When it was Aster’s turn to choose a song, she selected _Happy together_ , by the Turtles. 

Soon, it was time to go home. The Munsky family all thanked their guests warmly and insisted on giving them plates of food to bring home. Aster promised she would reciprocate during the winter break and gave each of them a warm hug. Outside, Ellie proposed to drive Aster home as the other girl had received a lift from her father earlier during the afternoon. Mr Chu, half asleep already and a little tipsy, made them swear they would drop him off first and the girls laughed. Still, Ellie dropped her dad first and drove down the road to Aster ’s house. During the ride, Ellie put the radio station where Christmas songs were playing one after the other while it snowed lightly outside. 

As she was driving, she could feel the other girl staring at her and quickly glanced her way.

‘Something wrong? She asked.

‘You look worried,’ Aster said.

Ellie was surprised by Aster ’s perspicacity and honesty. She found that she had that in common with Paul too. Well, the honesty part. 

‘It’s nothing... Today was fun.’

‘It was,’ Aster smiled softly. ‘ It was really fun. Thanks for forcing me to come.’

‘Thanks for coming,’ Ellie smiled back.

‘Paul and his family are great! So is your dad, by the way. Very funny.’

‘Yeah,’ Ellie chuckled. ‘He really loves them. He was reluctant at first... he kept saying they were too loud and too many.’

Aster laughed. ‘I can see why.’

‘But now I think it reminds him of his family back home.’

Aster smiled. ‘It reminded me of mine too.’

‘They’re good people.’

They stayed quiet for the rest of the ride. It wasn’t odd or awkward. No, it was a comfortable silence, where one takes the time to think and ponder about their life under the darkness of the night and the brilliance of the stars. Soon, they were in front of the Flores’ brown little house. Ellie parked the car in the street facing their house and turned off the engines. She met Aster ’s eyes, who was quietly studying her.

‘You want to talk about it?’ Aster asked hesitantly. 

‘Er. It’s nothing…’

‘Ellie,’ Aster said softly. 

‘It’s just—mostly life and the future. I guess? I’m always thinking about it.’

‘Oh... Are you anxious?’

‘I just worry about the future, you know? Who I will be in five years? Who will be in my life?’

‘Those are pretty big questions,’ Aster pondered too.

‘It feels like they’re the only kind of questions I can come up with nowadays.’

‘How do you think your future will be right now?’

‘Now...I don’t know…’ Ellie sighed and frowned. ‘It’s like someone gave me a white paper and asked me to list the things that I want to do and who I want to be. In theory, I just have to pick up a pen and write, right?’

‘Right,’ Aster smiled but her eyes were fully concentrated on the analogy.

‘The thing is, it feels like I suddenly don’t know how to write anymore. So I can’t write anything on that stupid paper. All my landmarks are gone. Everything that I had dreamed of when I was a child and a teenager, all of those ideas that I had of what it meant to be an adult, it all disappeared. They don’t fit me anymore and I’m just… lost. My whole conception of the future is...void?’

‘I get it,’ Aster looked at her hands. ‘I really do. Sometimes I think people who can’t really choose for themselves are happier in a way, because they don’t have that anguish to know who they are, to decide for themselves...They can’t make mistakes.’

‘Exactly!’

‘But that’s not _life_. That’s life when you’re a child...People tell you how to act at home, what to study in school, how long your summer break is...and you find comfort in this.’

‘I know,’ Ellie agreed pathetically.

‘But to me life is not being told what to do. So we will feel lost and uncomfortable and angry as we grow and try to find who we are? So our twenties and thirties are going to be hard and confusing because nobody is here to tell us to do this and that? But it’s _normal_. We have to go through this. We need to.’

Ellie felt like crying. ‘Why the hell do we need to go through all of that!’

‘It’s horrible, right?’

‘It feels like torture.’

Aster laughed honestly and put a comforting hand on Ellie’s shoulder. 

‘I don’t like it any more than you do, I just accept it and try to enjoy the road. But it’s hard,’ she removed her hand from Ellie’s shoulder and smiled sadly. 

‘But _why_. Why does it feel so suffocating? I always have the impression that I’m missing something. Or doing it all wrong.’

Aster stayed silent for a moment. Ellie could tell that she was pondering her questions seriously and she felt grateful for this. She wanted to thank her for existing at the same time and place as her. She wanted to tell her that this meant a lot for her.

‘Honestly? You want my real opinion?’

‘Yeah,’ Ellie answered eagerly. She didn’t know why, but she felt like she needed to hear it. She needed to hear the answer to her heavy questions from Aster , and Paul and her dad, because they all mattered to her. 

‘I just feel like no one knows how to do this. Life is just...there. Everything changes and things never go as planned. No one can tell you precisely how your life will occur because they can’t know. They can’t even tell you how tomorrow is going to be. So we have to figure it out, all by ourselves. We have to drag our feet and live those experiences. Feel the pain and the joy. And make choices depending on what we like and what we want to go away.’

‘Right,’ Ellie nodded.

‘We have to live them all, those experiences, because we need them and because we can’t make a life without them. Those choices that scare you because it will change your life this way or another, you can’t plan them with certainty. So make them as you go. It will be hard and it will hurt, but it will also be fun and fulfilling.’

‘When does it end,’ Ellie closed her eyes. ‘Choosing a college... choosing a career...choosing a place to live...making friends...when does it end?’

‘But that’s the beauty of it. We can’t know for sure how everything we do will pay off, so we’re free to choose and close our eyes. We can only base our decisions on previous experiences but we have to live through them first.’

‘Yeah… I guess I was being a coward. I was trying to find a cheat sheet,’ Ellie smiled sadly as Aster laughed.

‘A cheat sheet to life?’

‘It’s stupid,’ Ellie said as she felt some tears falling down her cheeks. It was so embarrassing, crying like this, two days before Christmas eve, in the dark of the night, next to Aster . She closed her eyes and then,

‘You want to know mine?’ Aster asked softly.

Ellie turned her head on her seat and looked at the other girl. The stars were shining brightly in the sky and she could see Aster ’s beautiful serene face. It made her heart slow down, calm down. She nodded.

‘I haven’t got that much and I haven’t lived an extraordinary life...but the things I’ve learned so far? My life cheat sheet, the list on my blank paper...here it is!’

She said it so excitedly that it made Ellie laugh. Aster moved in her seat and mirrored Ellie’s position. They were both lying on their sides, their heads turned toward each other.

‘You only really feel good when you’re being true to yourself. So if you feel oppressed and angry, there’s a part of yourself that you’re suppressing. Try to find which part of you that is being hidden and expose it to the world. It might be painful and embarrassing at first, you might lose friends or a boyfriend (she laughed), but you will end up being happier because you will feel the lightness of being true to yourself.’

She smiled kindly at Ellie and Ellie smiled back. 

‘There are some people that you meet and you immediately want to keep them in your life. They make your life brighter and encourage you to really be you. Either because they show you different aspects of yourself that you would have never cared to find without them...or because you feel comfortable with them, they don’t judge your mumbling and rambling. With them, you’re not scared to talk all night and you can enjoy even the smallest things, like watching a train pass by. Those people are rare but are also everywhere. You need to be kind to them and cherish them. You will want them as your friends and...more. It’s important to spot them and do everything in your power to never hurt them.’

Aster raised her hand and delicately wiped Ellie’s tears.

‘When you don’t know what you want to do next, or what should be your next goal, just do what is making you happy right now. You don’t need to live your life goals after goals. At some point, happiness can be what you’re trying to reach. And happiness is just what you enjoy doing, right now.’

‘Aster ,’ Ellie smiled. 

‘It’s silly, right?’

‘No,’ she answered seriously. 

‘Another one; being scared is part of everything new, that's why you need things that you are familiar with to comfort you. It can be the mug your mother gave you when you were a kid, that one book your dad told you to read that you never read...it can be pictures you took from years ago or just last night. It can be music on your phone that you love! It can be a cat or a dog. But mostly, it will be your friends and your family… This is really important because things will change and it will terrify you, but the things and persons you know will be there to comfort you. They will keep you safe.’

Ellie closed her eyes and smiled as she felt Aster ’s hand caressing her cheek. It was dry now, no longer covered in tears, but the other girl’s hand felt perfect on her skin. It felt like a solid anchor.

‘We’re arriving at the bottom of the cheat sheet, where your writing is really small and ugly.’

Ellie laughed. ‘The last minute notes you add in desperation.’

‘Exactly,’ Aster giggled. ‘This goes for everything: If it feels good and doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, it’s your duty to keep it in your life and cultivate it, adore it. A hobby, a song, a friend, a sweetheart—’

‘A sweetheart!’ Ellie laughed, her eyes still closed.

‘Shut up,’ Aster said with a smile. ‘I mean it. At least you will go through life with the comforting thought that you have this good thing for yourself, this good person to walk with. And you will be good for them too, obviously.’

‘Obviously,’ Ellie smiled. She was feeling calm now, her heart beating peacefully. ‘Your paper is great...more than great. A+.’

‘Thank you, but you don’t grade cheat sheets Ellie Chu.’

‘I do,’ Ellie argued pleasantly.

‘The best thing about it is that I lied.’

‘Hm?’

‘It’s not even close to being filled.’

Ellie sighed. ‘You’re so mature Aster .’

‘You think?’ She was still caressing Ellie’s cheek but Ellie heard her move in her seat. ‘Funny. Most of those things... I learned from you.’

When Ellie opened her eyes in confusion, she was gently met with Aster ’s lips on hers. They were soft and comforting. She immediately closed her eyes again.

Aster kissed her slowly and confidently. Her lips were delicate, so delicate and cozy. Ellie had never felt a similar sensation in her life; it was calming and enveloping, as if the stars themselves had knitted a big, warm blanket and had wrapped it around them. They were shielded from the rest of the world but not hidden. After all, it was the world itself which had created them and put them at the same place in the universe, exactly at the same moment. It was the world itself which was smiling at them and dancing around them, at the sound of the music. Ellie had imagined doing that to Aster a thousand times before, in her small room in Iowa. During those nights, where the lights were off and her window was slightly open, she would always let her imagination wander. In her dreams, they would kiss each other as if it had been their language...They would talk softly to each other and sleep in the same bed. They were older, much older. They were happy together. Ellie smiled in the kiss and caressed Aster ’s hair gently with her fingers. It was as she had imagined; long and soft, hugging and freeing. Aster moved away from the kiss and Ellie swallowed. Was it possible to love someone so intensely? After all this time…

‘Wow,’ Aster said and Ellie opened her eyes. 

Aster was red all over: her cheeks, her neck and her lips. Ellie knew she must have been in the same state.

‘I’ve been wanting to do that all those years,’ Ellie admitted. 

‘Me too... But it took me awhile to admit it to myself.’

Ellie felt incredibly happy. She had never felt such joy. She couldn’t even grasp it, it was incommensurable. 

‘You said...before. I think you said you learned those things from me?’ Ellie asked sheepishly. Aster laughed openly, but it was warm and childlike. 

‘I did. In your letters and that day we spent together. You showed me so much and...and it made me who I am today.’

Ellie blinked. She was incredulous. 

‘It’s true! Back then, you gave me the courage to paint again. You showed me all those parts of myself that were hidden. Because of you, I taught myself to not be scared and I’m still working on it. I tried to show the world how I was inside. You were the first person to really see me for who I am, because you were the first person I wasn’t petrified to show my real self to. I felt so sad and oppressed by the world. I thought it was the universe that was against me and I blamed my sadness on everyone. My family, Squahamish... everyone. But when you started talking to me, and I allowed myself to truly be, I realized that this suffering that I felt came from pretending to be someone else. You made me realize how good it feels to be honest with yourself, to be authentic. You told me that the things that made me happy, painting, was worth trying. And I did, and I’m in a much better place. So now, if something makes me happy, I keep it. I go for it. If I like someone, I don’t just let them go. I did that with you and it was one big mistake. All of those things that I learned, I learned thanks to you.’

Ellie was completely red by the end of it. She was in awe, but she was also excited. Could this be true? All the beautiful things Aster was telling her? To think that she had helped Aster that much, without knowing... Believing all this time that she did not deserve to be in Aster ’s life because she was awkward, and sad and disillusioned. But Aster had said those words with such honesty...

‘I know you, Ellie. Maybe we didn't talk face to face back then during our senior year...but I did get to know you. And I...really liked you. I loved you. There’s so much to you. You’re so smart and compassionate. You have strong principles and you try to live by them. You’re funny, like hilarious, and really kind. Do you know that? I’ve thought about you a lot during those years and I’m glad that we met today at the bus stop.’

Ellie tried to talk but what she felt in her heart, she could barely put into words. She simply mumbled: ‘T-thank you! I mean— me too! I mean…’

Aster laughed again. How much Ellie loved her laugh. They both moved at the same time and kissed each other, softly. When Ellie moved away, she was grinning from ear to ear.

‘We view the world differently but I don’t think it’s a bad thing?’

‘I love the way you view the world,’ Ellie smiled. ‘I love it.’

‘I love the way you view the world too.’

‘Hmm.’

‘People say that I’m naive all the time and that it can be hard for me to stand up for myself. You seem to be the complete opposite!’

Ellie laughed. ‘I don’t see it that way. I think you are sweet and trusting, both excellent qualities.’

‘And I think you are intelligent and caring. You’re perceptive and thoughtful. Maybe if we stayed in each other’s lives this time around, we could balance each other?’

Ellie was impressed at how direct Aster was being. She hadn’t been that certain and vocal in high school. Aster had talked about how Ellie had been the direct one, but she seemed to be able to voice her thoughts well now, better than before. It was a good change. They both looked at each other and held their gaze. Ellie was the first one to smile.

‘Yeah. It seems like a good idea.’

‘I meant that you’re one of those people I want to keep in my life, Ellie Chu.’

‘Hmmm.’

‘I also meant that you’re one of those people who immediately made me feel at home.’

Ellie smiled and put her hand on Aster ’s lips as the other girl laughed. ‘Enough, already.’ She was blushing. ‘All those years, I’ve dreamed about you and thought about you. But I was scared that my future wouldn’t align with yours. To me you were a sun and I was looking at you from my tiny booth, next to the trains. When I met you and started to write to you, the space between that booth and you lessened and lessened. And then, you were disappointed in Paul and me for those letters, rightfully so. It made me feel unworthy and it created that space again. With college and my anxiety, I felt unworthy. I never called. I never texted. But I knew...That I wanted this...That I really want this.’

Ellie kissed her cheek and smiled. 

‘I want this too,’ Aster smiled back. 

‘You said tonight that next year would be the start of a new chapter for all of us...I want to be in yours and — well, I love you. Er...Is it too soon to say?’

‘Come here.’

They kissed again, and again. Under the sky, under the stars and alongside the songs playing in that old radio, they kissed. 

  
  
  


The last day of their break came faster than any of them had wanted. Paul, Aster and Ellie had passed every day of those three weeks together and it had been fun and magical. They had met Aster ’s family and her many cousins. They would all skate on the ice rink, next to Saint John’s elementary school, everytime the temperature allowed it. Paul and his brothers had taught Aster ’s cousins how to skate well while Ellie and Aster had tried to teach her father how to walk with skates. It had been hard, but after multiple days, Mr Chu had succeeded. He had become so good that all of them were able to play hockey together during those warm nights, with the other kids of Squahamish. The three friends had also spent many days just talking about their future and cooking. It had been great. Sofia, Aster ’s oldest cousin, had received one of these polaroid cameras for Christmas and everywhere they went, they were sure to hear a _click_ as the teenage girl snapped a photo. As a result, when the sun was gone and the night had enveloped them, they were always contemplating the many photos Sofia had taken that day. And since Sofia was generous and kind, she would always give them a photo or two to keep.

The day Aster had to leave, they all accompanied her to the train station early in the morning. Her parents, her cousins, Paul, Catherine, Anna, their brothers, Mr Chu and...Ellie. They spent their last time together joking around and laughing. After Aster put all her bags in the wagon, she hugged them all one last time. When she was done hugging Ellie, she smiled at her and said:

‘If you feel down this year, there’s this persian adage that I really love. You made me think of it that day we met next to the bus stop. It says: _This too shall pass_. I think it’s a good reminder!’

Ellie smiled at her foundly. Aster and her cute adages. It always made Ellie smile and reminded her of her mother’s _best parts_.

‘Everything is ephemer then?’

Aster nodded. ‘The bad things anyway. The good things too, but we will have each other to create new memories.'

Ellie laughed honestly as the other girl giggled. She caressed Aster’s cheek with her hand and slowly kissed her on the lips. Paul’s brothers cheered from behind them as Catherine shooed them away. Next to them, Anna laughed as Aster’s little cousins yelled in fake disgust. 

‘Alright,’ Aster’s mother said with a smile. ‘Go, honey. Or you will miss your train.’

‘I know….I’m going.’

‘Hm hm,’ her mother smiled.

‘I will miss you guys.’

‘We love you so much, honey,’ her father hugged her tightly again. ‘See you this summer.’

‘Yes! You too, Ellie. I will be seeing you this summer.’ She walked inside the train and opened her window. ‘Bye, guys!’

‘Bye!’

  
  
  
  


Ellie sat down in the kitchen and pushed one of the many boxes she had taken from the attic to the side. She had meant to clean that room for ages but had always pushed that day further away. Granted, her last book had kept her busy for months, but she knew it was important to keep her environnement healthy and open, as Aster always liked to say. She was never good with those kinds of things, though. Why did Aster give her that task? Couldn’t she do something else? And how should she know which things ought to be thrown away and which things kept? Well, she would just have to go over all those boxes one by one. No point in lamenting. She could already imagine Aster’s soft smile as the other woman would come back home to an exhausted Ellie, not close to being done with this task. Better start now! She smiled to herself as she stared at those twenty boxes. Some of them had been in the attic, untouched, for years. There was dust on them! 

‘Maria, honey!’ She called her daughter who was just going down the stairs.

‘I already cleaned my room mom!’

‘I know, I know,’ Ellie laughed. ‘Why don’t you come here one second?’

The eleven-years-old girl reluctantly came next to her mother. ‘What is it?’

‘Help me with those boxes?’

Maria crossed her arms and frowned. ‘It’s always me...Why don’t you ask David, he’s the oldest and he’s always playing his stupid video games in his room, you know. Even Sarah can help you. She’s smart for a six years old!’

Ellie knew she had to use a strategic plan with this one. She started with the first offensive:

‘What if I gave you fifteen dollars? To buy that shirt you wanted last time?’

Maria smiled happily first and then paused. ‘Wait a minute... It’s my birthday in two weeks! I can just wait.’

Ellie laughed as she knew that this was going to be her answer. ‘What about this, then. Anything you like in these boxes, you can keep. What do you say?’

She saw her daughter’s mind running 100 miles an hour. ‘You do have some cool vintage stuff in here,’ she said slowly. ‘I suppose…’

‘Yep, we do,’ Ellie sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and patted the one next to her. Maria smiled and sat next to her mother happily. They opened some boxes in silence and searched.

‘Woa! Mom! Look at this box... What is this?’

Ellie looked inside the box Maria was working on and found her old laptop and phone, dating from her high school years. 

‘That takes me back,’ she smiled as she took them out of the box. ‘That’s my old laptop.’

‘That’s a laptop? It looks so old, like one of those old computers in those old movies you always watch.’

Ellie grimaced. ‘Please, don’t hurt mom's feelings. They’re not that old.’

‘They’re like thirty-years-old films, that’s old! And that’s a phone? Why is it so big? And how did you open it? Manually?’

Ellie laughed and patted her daughter’s head. ‘This will be donated, then. Unless you want them?’

‘I want them! It’s so cool! Look at this big screen!’

Ellie laughed again. ‘I think you will enjoy this very much.’

They went over other boxes together. They found clothes and books belonging both to Ellie and Aster. They also found folders of homework dating from Ellie’s college years. Many boxes were filled with Aster’s earlier drawings. Maria seemed very impressed and intrigued by those, which warmed Ellie’s hurt. Two hours had passed and more boxes seemed to be in the _‘to keep’_ category than in the ‘ _to donate’_ one. Ellie scratched her head. She wasn’t sure it was supposed to go that way, but how could she say no to a pleading Maria. Those objects also made her smile and reminded her of a time when everything seemed so complicated but was also so easy. 

‘Mom! You were beautiful!’

Ellie walked next to her daughter and saw a box filled with old photos, dating from different times of their lives. The one Maria was holding was a polaroid of Ellie in a black coat, thirty years ago, give or take. It was that Christmas break, during her last year of her college undergrad, when Aster and herself had found each other again. In the picture, she was outside, smiling and looking away, as kids were playing on an ice skating rink behind her. She remembered that day clearly. She was laughing with Aster who was behind the photographer, Sofia. 

‘Sofia took that when she was a teen.’

‘So auntie Sofia was always a photographer!’

Ellie smiled. ‘I think this gift started it. This one is uncle John when he was twenty five. And uncle Will, he should have been a little bit older…This is Paul!’

‘He was so cute!’

‘Still is,’ Ellie smiled.

‘And this is mommy!’ Maria gasped as she found a photo of Aster in high school, holding a flower in her hand. ‘She’s beautiful!’

‘She is, isn’t she?’

‘Can we keep this?’

Ellie laughed and laughed. She crouched to hug her daughter and kissed her cheek. 

‘Of course. Your mommy used to tell me that it was always important to keep things that made you happy. It could be a mug or a book or...pictures. To comfort you even when everything around you changed.’

‘Then why are you throwing things away?’

‘Only things that don’t make us happy anymore. It makes room for new things and can help other people,’ Ellie grinned. ‘Here, this is grandpa. He was handsome too, no?’

‘Very,’ Maria giggled. 

‘Go call your siblings, let’s revisit those pictures together and show them to mummy when she comes back.’

Maria left her mother’s embrace and ran up the stairs.

‘Sarah! David! Mom found pictures of mom and mummy when they weren’t that old and when their hair wasn’t white and grey!’

Ellie grimaced at first but then she smiled to herself. How time had flown by so quickly! And how happy she was.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my happy ending :)
> 
> (Please tell me if you find any mistake, english is not my first language and there were some autocorrect issues that I had to fix)


End file.
